Well, I had a productive meeting with my line manager and our HR manager yesterday. Scott came round on Thursday evening and, after cooked for us and we watched a couple of episodes from the new Angel DVDs, we talked about what I need to do to move on from here. He helped me get to work in the morning, making me talk about how I was feeling, which helped abstract me from the fear, each time I was panickey.
Once I was in the office, I had a meeting, as I’ve mentioned. Scott and I had worked out the things I need to do over the next few days, weeks and months:
- I need to talk with my doctor, about all three problems (head, stomach and immune system) and get referred to specialists who can help (work’s BUPA scheme will pay to expedite that), people such as a dietician and a cognitive behavioral therapist;
- I need to get myself back into counseling and get my head shrunk properly again. There’s loads of excellent stuff to read on MIND’s website and panic-attacks.co.uk looks like a rather amateurish site, but contains very good content, so I need to read all that too;
- I need to see the hypnotherapist up the road — today was my first appointment and left me feeling on top of the world, just as it did with SJ;
- I need to cut down on the amount of not-work I do. I’m already shunting most of my FaxYourMP.com / WriteToThem.com work to other people; I need to ensure I delegate most of my NO2ID work away, as well, to reduce the amount of stress;
- I need to spend more time practicing the things I find difficult — traveling, unfamiliar places and difficult situations;
- I need to detox some: no fags (not doing so well there), no dope, no booze, cut down on self-medicating with Imodium, concentrate on eating sensibly (and on keeping my food diary), concentrate on sleeping properly and so on.
We didn’t really discuss the stuff from work that’s stressing me out, which I’m not really gonna go into in detail here, but I also undertook to get into the office earlier, so that I can let them know sooner, if getting in is a problem. And I’ve to aim to see the doctor by Thursday (so I’m gonna be spending a lot of Monday on the phone, trying to get through to them; guess I’ll be writing to them again).
Anyways, all my friends are being really supportive, which is good. Generally just trying to chill out at home this weekend. Watched some more Angel earlier; watching Hero at the moment, which makes beautiful use of color; I’ve really enjoyed it